Showing posts with label Jennifer S. Chesler. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jennifer S. Chesler. Show all posts

Monday, June 10, 2019

New by Chesler, & other news

One tremendous new piece by Jennifer S. Chesler linked here at her blog, entitled "I'd Like to Show You His Semen, Mother".

EDIT: A further piece, "Dear Lesbian Mother", linked here, is one of the funniest pieces recently

EDIT 2: Another addendum, "Mother and Daughter Walk in Park", delves deeper into the sleazy mysteries of stupid & abusive families.

As noted down below, there is a spotlight here for Nickel Hole Press, with older books by me from other publishers, collaborative work by both of us from Nickel Hole, & Fragments the first published novel by Jennifer S. Chesler. I have written many pieces about this masterpiece, all posted elsewhere on this blog, all these pieces linked here below. Otherwise these books are all on Amazon, linked elsewhere.

Here are the sleazy, disgusting, & brilliant collaborative works on Amazon, see also the Lulu link. We naturally prefer purchases from Lulu, since they are not stupid scumbag thieves like Amazon. 

Here is too much human, my manifesto in prose poetry about deep ecology & antinatalism. I have two other books of poetry available from Black Editions Press, as well as four books of nipple-oriented* poetry & two crappy jizz-soaked novels from Oneiros Books.

* I do not now have, & have never had, inverted nipples, excuse my French, as Jen-Jen, the best wife & daughter that a scumbag could wish for, implies.

Saturday, June 1, 2019

Three more by Jennifer S. Chesler

Presumably from the forthcoming memoirs by Jennifer S. Chesler, about PTSD & CSA, there are three further pieces at her blog.

Of the protestant work ethic here, gone all ecumenical, The Manager at Wendy's Says I Make the Best Burger Patties in the World.

Another piece about the forcible sexualization of female infants to satisfy the prurient desires of deviants, "All good clean fun, honest" Are you Dancing too, D&K?

Thirdly & most seriously, of kittens & stink finger: Dear Parent Whores.

Thursday, May 23, 2019

New by Jennifer S. Chesler

Here's a new piece at the blog of Jennifer S. Chesler, from her forthcoming memoirs. Dear Mother

Saturday, May 18, 2019

Song for Shit

By Jennifer S. Chesler

Doopy Do Doody, Doo Doo Doo…
When I was fifteen years old, my mother came into my room. She said, “Jen, pick a diet. Your father and I don’t care how much it costs.” Thus, out of terrible humiliation, I chose Nutrisystem. They advertised on TV. Otherwise, I’d have had no idea what diets existed.

Of course, I knew there was a diet that barred me from eating Josh’s food, cookies and other stuff a kid would like. He was, at that time, my brother. I couldn’t eat with the family before the diet, because my alleged father was sickened to see a pig, like his fat alleged daughter, eating.

The monitoring of my weight began before I was in first grade. Nana made rocky road fudge. My alleged father said my grandmother would make me fat. Nana threw the glass bowl on the floor and that was that. No fudge. I have seen pictures of myself around the time of this incident. I was not overweight, and certainly not fat.

I developed body dysmorphia at a young age. In St. Thomas, I sat on the floor of the kitchen in our Burnett Towers apartment, looking at what I thought were my obese legs. I had shorts on, and felt, once again, horror at what I perceived to be my deformed body.

I saw freckles on my legs, and believed they were signs of ugliness, you know, like how my alleged father checked babies for incipient signs of ugliness, one such example being attached earlobes.

Well, gentle reader, can you guess what came after I chose a diet? I became anorexic. Before I got to ninety-six pounds, there was much work to be done, both at home, the track, and at Nutrisystem. Nutrisystem, in the ‘80s, provided most of the diet’s food. But it was all freeze-dried. For a year, I ate this dog chow.

Then, I would go weekly to Nutrisystem and strip naked. The “nurse” wanted my clothes off, so there wasn’t an inaccurate reading on the scale. She then tape-measured my body, while I was still in my underwear.

I also went weekly to group meetings at Nutrisystem, ones that taught dieting and being slim should be the focus of one’s life. I was the only teenager at the meetings.

At the time, Nutrisystem had a promotional offer: if you stayed within five pounds either way of the goal weight the Nutrisystem experts found appropriate for your height, you got half of your money for the diet back, which was $500.

As I have stated, I became anorexic. After a year of eating freeze-dried food, I couldn’t process regular foods. I’d have to eat two hours before I left the house, as each time I ate “regular” food I’d have awful diarrhea. I gave up on eating. Unlike my alleged father, I did not enjoy spending two hours on the toilet. I was also too weak to continue my Jane Fonda workout twice a day, and I could not run.

I caught a glimpse of my elbow in the driver’s side mirror. I thought I was hallucinating. My arm looked like tautly wrapped skin over a bone, which was visible though my skin. I was upset. I hadn’t realized how badly my flight from food affected my body, not to mention my mind.

I looked up group meetings for anorexia. I didn’t know how to get better. My parents thought I looked great. How could they help? My father is still anorexic.

I found a meeting at a hospital. Everyone there was an adult. When we introduced ourselves, saying why we were there, most people had become anorexic from coke or speed. They thought I had it pretty good, not being a drug addict in high school, already getting accepted at college.

“Oh, you’ll get over it,” one woman said to me, regarding the anorexia. “Things are going good for ya’.”

That was the only meeting I went to. The Nutrisystem meetings were mandatory, so I had to attend them to get the $500 back for my parents. I had stopped going to the diet-or-die meetings, because I felt they were injurious to my mental and physical health.

My parents did not know I stopped going to Nutrisystem meetings. They also did not know I weighed fourteen pounds below the accepted weight for the $500 refund. I was only allowed five pounds of leeway with my weight. I’d try to stuff myself, but it rarely stayed down. I couldn’t gain the fourteen pounds to get the money back for my parents.

When my parents found out that there would be no refund because of anorexia and failure to attend “diet class,” they were very angry. I was a junior in high school then. My parents felt ripped off and lied to. “She’s skinny, but she didn’t earn anything from her new body,” I imagined one or both of my parents saying.

Once I got out of college, I realized that these people were pimps. They still felt betrayed by their worthless whore of a daughter, who had failed to perform adequately.

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Ken Sotheby's No Molestation Jogging Time

By Jennifer S. Chesler

At 2:00 a.m. in the morning, my alleged father would stuff himself with Ex-Lax and espresso. He had to shit constantly, which was made easier for him, since he began running around the same block for ten miles. Not wanting to wake my mother up by using their bathroom (he took loud shits), he, instead, used the bathroom I shared with my dwarf-like brother.

The doors of the bathroom opened, closed, toilet running almost the entire time he jogged, front door closing, quickly coming back, shit, jog, shit, jog. Flush. Then, back to the copious farting he expelled from his skinny white ass. I know what his ass looks like because he didn't wear underwear or a bottom garment. This follows an unfortunate incident during which he had diarrhea on himself on the street, behind the middle school where I had gone.

My mother picked him up at a payphone behind the middle school athletic field, a call he made with his sole shit-covered quarter. I didn't see him, but the odor stayed around, so I got a sense of what it was like. At that point, he ran at 8:00 a.m. Of course, there were children outside waiting for the bus at that time. Then he talked about the diarrhea incident the gentle reader may recall recounted here. He said,"What is there to see in Plantation, Florida?" I certainly did agree with him.

Then he said something odd. "I run early so the kids aren't out, waiting for the bus. I don't want to, you know, have some kid say I molested him or her." Later in my life, I found out from my dwarf brother's giantess of a lesbian wife, his first wife, that he would not let her touch his ass at all. Okay. Maybe my alleged father had a small dick, but it's still wrong to molest children, your own or not. Anyway, I saw his dick quite a lot, mostly semi-tumescent, as he performed the various stages of his poopy procedure.

Monday, May 13, 2019

Abusive Donna and Ken Sotheby Rein in Their Desire to Fuck Me.

By Jennifer S. Chesler

When my mother got pregnant, she was twenty years old. As I grew older, never wanting children of my own, I asked my mother, Donna, if she had considered an abortion. “Not for a second did I think of aborting you,” she’d say. I questioned her again. She said, “I always knew you’d be special.”

I’m not sure who my birth father is. The first page of my baby book has a blond-haired man with my mother in Israel. My “father,” Donna Sotheby’s husband, wasn’t much of a man anyway. He tried to be by taking coke for five or six years. He’s a real asshole. But, as my alleged parents always said, assholes marry assholes.

My alleged parents began to abuse me early on. The first story of my childhood is living in a detached house, one night crying for so long, so loud, that the neighbors could hear and called the police. I do not know what happened. I may have been as young as one-year-old. I did not get taken away from these beasts and placed in another home.

Almost all of my relatives in the extended family commented on how my alleged parents were fucking me and my brother up, that he was going to turn out gay or something like that. They did nothing to help me or my brother, however. I do not know if he was abused as I was. He won’t speak to me. I do not know why. He’s a cunt, though.

Around preschool age, I began to barricade myself into my room at night. I’d slide the table over and stack it with all of my books. Every morning the table and books were away from the door, towards the wall. I do not know what happened. I believed the moving of the barricade was done by spirits and ghosts. Ghosts don’t exist, though. My alleged parents do. Yes, they are both still alive, unfortunately.

Monday, May 6, 2019

Deux, by Jennifer S. Chesler

This poem, by Jennifer S. Chesler, was previously in the zine Mung Being. It is in her Fragments, which I edited for our Nickel Hole Press, on sale at this link.


Hateful Fuckface Family,
I hope you rot in hell.
I hope your gums are toothless
before, ringing, comes the death knell.
I hope you lose the dollars
you hold so dear to your hearts;
and I hope you like your portrait
in this fucking work of art.


Lascivious Mother, Hypocrite Extreme,
wanting to make me a eunuch
so you could be whore queen.
I used to suck cock in your bedroom
when you were out of town; the boys
would come all over your sheets,
even before sundown.

Sunday, May 5, 2019

Crib Death

Every night I dream of you and what I believe is true about why I am Jennifer who is. I am awake all night. I can't eat. I am losing weight. As a result of the massive stress from my nightmares about you abusing me, David awoke when I started to hit him. I thought he was you. You were killing me.

Jennifer S. Chesler

Friday, April 26, 2019

Out with the Old - More Divagations about Chesler's "Fragments"

At the top of her blog is this brilliant new piece, Drug Machine Mothers, by Jennifer S. Chesler, which is also in her phenomenal Fragments, which I edited, here at Amazon.

I see no valid reason not to buy this book. I have written extensively about it further back in this blog. I have not written these pieces as reviews of the pieces in the literary sense, since these are crushingly boring, but use the book as a source of inspiration to discuss teratology, taphonomy, decay, decline, & the intellectual poverty of the modern human - the freaks & scumbags that populate the world, & also, in slightly fictionalized form, her writings.

There are margins, borders, & interstices. Here we dwell. Rorty points out somewhere that being human is not a uniform achievement. The human is, allegedly, zoon logon ekhon, & some of us have more logos than others. The philosopher & the poet most of all, or so it is said, & Chesler's prose is poetic in nature.

There is horror in Fragments, but it is expressed with little emotion, & very effectively for that reason, if the reader is not emotionally or intellectually enfeebled. Until I knew Chesler, & she me, neither of us really regarded any of the people in our lives as fully human, in the sense that, on some level, they were all fucking morons. Thus the instinctive aversion that one feels for every single character that Chesler describes, in Fragments & elsewhere.

I exist within Chesler. She constitutes the limits of my world; she is my blood & being. Nobody else possesses a sufficiently capacious or unique intellect to accommodate my misanthropy. There is a nihilism that is very pissed off, there is also a nihilism that finds the fucking dregs that constitute humanity hilariously funny. Read her books - stabbing is too good for these motherfuckers; the ones based upon allegedly real alleged humans deserve her depiction of them - which they are, of course, too fucking retarded, or so she assures me, to understand.

Reading Fragments, one finds much concealed content, for it is a book that calls to thinking, in Heidegger's sense. What calls for thought was, for Heidegger, that "we" are not yet thinking. For us, what calls for thought is that almost nobody ever will think. Dysgenic fertility will see to that.

Friday, April 12, 2019

Fragments by Jennifer S. Chesler at Amazon

I am pleased to say that the expanded, revised, & edited version of the book Fragments, by Jennifer S. Chesler, is available now at Amazon at this link.

I edited this book & have written several reviews and so forth that were posted further down in this blog. For your convenience I link them all here as follows.


Fragments, by Jennifer S. Chesler

More on Chesler's Fragments

Of Teratology

Lyotard Says

Nihilism in "Fragments" by Jennifer S. Chesler

Further Considerations on Nihilism & Teratology in Chesler's Fragments

How Much World? Poverty in World as Shown in Fragments by Jennifer S. Chesler

And there is a Fragments on Google Books. I strongly recommend this book. It is a brilliant exercise in teratology - in the shoddy ontology of the freak & scumbag, the sleazy world that confronts the mentally ill & the exceptional. Here it is at Barnes & Noble. & here again it is at Amazon.

Thursday, January 31, 2019

Thursday, January 24, 2019

Poop Tarts, Continued

This is a continuation of the last by Jennifer S. Chesler and David C. McLean.

Later, maybe 100 years

Daddy:  Thank you. Thank you. We’ve worked hard on converting our words into action. My daughter and I base all of our teachings on the northern ward of the hospital, the sacred teachings of the women with dead babies, not wanting to hurry from the hospital, but rather stay under the strict guidance of a nursemaid.

Jen-Jen: Our daughter, Dorito, is scared and she runs so fast, away from daddy’s throbbing love, as I lurch, drooling and giggling, after. I fart, hoping this angers Daddy. I so want him to drag my insolent ass over his sweaty lap and spank me into submission, cursing as he raises weals over my salacious ass. “I’m covered in poopy, Daddy”, I whimper and I feel him grow harder and drool, where his huge cock presses into my skinny hips. I know he will fuck me brutally soon with his huge rough ramrod. I start to tingle all over and can smell my own sweat and pussy juice.

Daddy:  Darling, Dorito wasn’t born alive. You were in the northern ward.

Jen-Jen: If that’s true, why do I hear her whimper in my throat when you fuck me real good, Daddy? Your screensaver is a picture of poor Jen-Jen eating Doritos I found on the bed after you fucked me in my sleep. It was so gross, I was sitting in a pool of white stuff.

Daddy: I’m hard again.

Jen-Jen:  I get that the shark attack, naked in the ocean, makes you afraid of being nude. I want to lick fruit out of your nipples.

Daddy: Poopy fruit? Sweet poopy fruit out of my nipples? Will I have shitty nipples then? Oh dear. Better go rinse off then, Jen-Jen. Run along and rinse away the stink where I stick things in.

Jen-Jen:  But at the ward, they examine my holes now, Daddy. I get swabs in all of them. Tomorrow I will apply for another day out. I must go now, though. My bus is here.

Daddy: OK, go to hospital.

(He leads her into the bedroom. He leaves and swiftly returns wearing (only) an open lab coat. He strips her, puts her flat on her stomach on a soiled mattress. He says he is taking her temperature, then sodomizes her for twenty minutes while she screams, whimpers, and is then racked by a huge orgasm for a whole minute.)

Daddy: Fuck, I cummed good. Now you need to be spanked sinless, you depraved little slut.

Jen-Jen:  Daddy, I have something to tell you.

Daddy:  Okay.

Jen-Jen:  You might not be the father of Dorito. It’s been weighing on me that I didn’t tell you my doubts about your paternity. Dorito says she’s a chip now.

Daddy: Oh, Jen-Jen. Dorito was aborted. You know that. We stole her and ate her, didn’t we? She was all dried out. She looked like a Dorito, so we called her that. You ate her pussy parts too, like a little lesbian. No carpet, though. Too young, all the crack and smack made her a bit slow, if she’d have been born, I mean.

Jen-Jen:  That’s not true! Daddy, take it back.

Daddy: No. You must remember. We got caught. I slipped away, but you were so slow. If I’d carried you as I ran away, I’d have had to assume an odd position for carrying either of our bodies. You’re in a home for the mentally ill. Instead of sending you to a detention center, the court recommended an institution, you know, for your medication needs and all, as you say. (Laughs and pinches Jen-Jen’s cheek.) I’ll take your clothes off now. Come on. Lie over my lap.

(He pulls his penis out of her and wipes himself off on her skort. He sneaks out into the other room, where the actual Dorito, his daughter and granddaughter, is crying. He grows very erect as he approaches the crib, grinning lasciviously)

Poop Tarts

Apart from my having finished Poems for Jennifer IV, due in March, Jennifer S. Chesler & I have slowly started the Philosophy of Extremism Vol IV. Earlier volumes can be found here by clicking the link. Below is a new story.

Poop Tarts

Today Daddy said that I would get breakfast in bed. I already have had two sodas, and my pussy is itchy and sore. Then he comes in the bedroom dressed as Nan, and he had his horrid Perry Ellis boxers on with his big willy hanging out and it was all hard and horrid. His new underwear look like skorts, the shorts/skirts my friends’ mothers buy them so their parts don’t show.

“Here’s your poop tarts, little Jennifer,” he says, “yummy poop tarts”. But it is just pop-tarts where he had cut out a hole to take his morning poopy in. He made me eat it all, and it was nasty so I did a sick. “You eat all this, you goddamn little whore”, he says, then sticks the big thing right down my little throat, roaring and bellowing, and that makes me poopy too, and the last bit looked like white stuff.

“Daddy, daddy, Jen-Jen make bam-bam,” I say feeling the brown, white-tipped doody under me.

“Daddy loves Jen-Jen’s poop-tart today, tip of come the most. Oh, that white stuff went into you quickly. I’ll have to fix that later, you know, fuck your ass after for a long, long time, until I’m spent, as one says,” Daddy says.

“Spent?” I ask.

“You’ll learn what that means when you’re older.”

“What? The golden rule, Daddy? The golden rule, Daddy? Tell me, pleeeaaase,” I was taught the golden rule in school last week.

“Don’t worry yourself, my poopy penny dream. Daddy will explain it all when you are more developed. Why don’t you turn around now, and let me get inside?” Daddy says.

“Okay, Daddy,” I turn around on all fours so my ass is facing Daddy’s willy. “Daddy, will you finger my hole first?” I ask.

He puts two fingers in me. It’s all squishy.

“Oh, oh, Daddy, Daddy,” I say, “isn’t it squishy?”

 “Yes, my little girl, squishy your hole is. I know how you like being full,” Daddy says.

“But I haven’t eaten,” I say to Daddy.

“Don’t you feel it now, sweetie?” he says, slowly edging himself into my hole.

“Oh, Daddy, poop-tarts and sticking yourself into me. You’re the best Daddy ever,” I say.

Friday, December 28, 2018

More new work at blog of Jennifer S. Chesler

Some more new work is available at the blog of Jennifer S. Chesler. It should be noted that these pieces are from her brilliant first book, Fragments. This is on Lulu at this link, & Barnes & Noble here. Here is the first edition on Amazon, where the second edition should soon be available. Several pieces that I have written about this marvelous book are available further down in this blog. Here it is on Google Books. Only Amazon have failed to update correctly.


Pisstone & Bucci

There's a Hole in the Blanket, Dear Liza

Sunday, December 9, 2018

Fragments at B&N

The 2nd edition of Fragments by Jennifer S. Chesler is now at Barnes & Noble at this link. Several pieces are on view at her blog. I edited it and am very pleased with V2.

Thursday, November 22, 2018

Preview of Fragments v2 on Google Books

Here is the second edition of Fragments, by Jennifer S. Chesler, on Google Books. Here it is at this link.

The book is on Lulu here, and soon due on Amazon, where they seem to still have the 1st edition at this link.

I cannot recommend this book, by my brilliant wife, highly enough.

Sunday, November 18, 2018

2nd Expanded Edition of Fragments

We just finished the new and expanded second edition of Jennifer S. Chesler's Fragments. This is now on sale at Lulu at this link

It will be available from Amazon or as a preview on Google Books as soon as we OK the physical copy.

The book is a great work, and is extensively discussed further back in my blog. 

EDIT: Now approved for Amazon. New version should be available there soon. At present Lulu is still the sure way.

Monday, November 5, 2018

Careful, my Cadaver

Also by Jennifer S. Chesler, this is in the second edition of Fragments. The first version is still here at Amazon.

Careful, My Cadaver 
I am still mad. No one asks about my health because of this. My head is somewhere other than on my neck. It floats away from the shelter. It's been three days since I moved into the squalid apartment I now call home. Garbage bags litter the living room, filled with clothing and shoes that I don't wear. Cockroaches scuttle across the bed, up and down the walls, in and out of the stove burners. I wear the same thing every day. I saw the coat T. had bought for me hanging on a rack in her living room when I went to get my cat, Rex. He is mostly under the blanket. There is a small, light brown cockroach on his gray fur. Sometimes Rex comes out and walks around, but he is traumatized by the month we spent apart. I do not know what to do with myself. There is great pressure to work. How are you going to make money? That's what everyone asks me. I don't know the answer to this question. I continue doing nothing. Running an errand – say, to the bank, is difficult and requires hours of preparatory mental work. I struggle to take a shower. There is nothing in the mail for me yet. I wait for money and gift cards. I live on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I am a pauper. I am a charity case who does not receive charity. I had no clue this was going to happen to me. I am at a loss to explain how I ended up here. The only thing that shows strength of character is that I'd rather be homeless than live with T. I admire that about myself. I am supposed to be grateful for every scrap I receive. I am not grateful for anything. I am an ingrate. Let's talk about reality, says my mother when confronted with my goal of being published. Let's talk about reality, she says:  maybe you should be institutionalized. Oh, fuck off, I tell her. I hang up the phone. The same thing over and over again. As though it's an option to get institutionalized willy-nilly nowadays. As though the homeless are not by and large mentally ill. These homeless people live on the street as a direct result of deinstitutionalization. The mental hospitals set them free. Now they live on the street, peddling their pills for scraps of food. I am full of hives without a buffer against reality. I do not know how I am supposed to deal with existence and the slow passage of time, no matter how accelerated it becomes. I am relieved to be out of the shelter. I thought I was going to have to stay at the YWCA. I saw T. the other day to get Rex. It made me sad. She has another woman's cat. I need to get far away from here. I need to flee again. I signed a three month lease. That's it. C'est tout. All in one go. We break right through. I am not the same person I was before. Oh, grow up, Phoebe says. The only sign of immaturity is that I was not wise enough to be successful. I do not wish I was dead now. I only wish that time would grant me a reprieve and that this month could be extended. I don't want to run out of money again. I am lying to everyone about everything. The only truth is that I want to be published. I am deeply disturbed by what you said to your mother, says my father:  you said you just want to write. T. says you sit around reading and writing and not giving her your paychecks. Yes, that's right. I don't care what T. says. I do not know why more homeless people don't die by their own hands. I don't understand how someone maintains a will to live when confronted with the elements blowing upon them. I know I make little sense now. I write anyway. So the YWCA would have told me the day before my time was up at the shelter whether or not they had space for me. I am being ignored by my old friends:  nothing to do with being mentally ill and homeless, the surefire combination to ensure excommunication. Yes. I will them away from me. I am at a loss for words to write down. I don't know what to say. Careful, my cadaver. Do not let your insides become visible. I am going to shop for a new identity as a hermit crab takes a new shell. I am a lover of nothingness. I am the void within me, asserting this as my ego. Nothing can help me but this. Therapy is a joke. My therapist is a spy in the house of a better way. I know that he tells others what he writes on his notepad, if not letting others read the notepad itself. I wanted to cry the other day at T.’s house. I kept up a front. I obscured myself from view. I got Rex into his carry bag after a good hour of following him from one hiding place to the next. There is no end to this. I would like some hiding places for myself. I would like to disappear completely. I am starting over. That's true. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Being crazy is a good way to get people to leave you alone. There is no quicker way to solitude. No one wants to have someone mad in their lives if they can help it. No one wants to get in a fight with you either. They don't know what you are capable of. It's good to keep a stiff gait and shuffle your steps, wear a hospital robe. This is all good. Those fuckheads are asterisks. I am starting to wish I'd been crazy all of my life so that I might have developed unmolested. My father thinks I'm smart enough to work despite my illness. Intelligence only leads one who is mad to know better than to subject him or herself to labor. Labor is the kiss of death, the bell that rings for one to kill oneself. Sex is no longer something I have desire for. It is unappealing in every way. I cannot think of a circumstance in which it would appeal to me to be touched. I want to masturbate though. I want to have one of those quasi-orgasms possible with the medication I take. It's only a contraction of muscles, no pleasure, but it provides relief. I am a mess. I don't even know why I'd want to give myself any pleasure.

Morning in the Trailer Park

This is by Jennifer S. Chesler, it is in the second edition of Fragments, due soon. It's on sale here.

Morning in the Trailer Park 
A man yells from outside, "Uh, hello in there. Hul-l-l-o. Hullo in there," and, as his voice filters through her open bedroom window, Eva slowly gets out of bed.

The threadbare curtains, eaten by dust and time, shield little of the day's bright light from the dilapidated trailer. But to look outside is worse, at the twin miniature cars covered in battered sun-bleached tarp, the abandoned pea green caravan, and the dusty propeller plane.

Eva takes a cigarette and sits on the porch. Through the slits in the lattice enclosure she sees her landlord, Jim.

"Hello, hello. How are you on this just exquisite, beautiful day? What's new now, tell me," he says.

"Not much," Eva says, squinting away from the sun.

"Oh, come on, you can do better than that," he says, trying to reach her, "things can't be all that bad. Just look at the sky, the sun, that beautiful, beautiful sun. I bet if you took off your clothes and sat for even a half hour in the sun that you'd feel like a whole new woman. At least half an hour though. Whad'ya say?" He smiles cajolingly.

"I guess you'd like that, huh, for me to sit out here naked," she says. She hates him but pretends they're friends.

"I bet if you smiled - hey, did you know that just smiling can make you smile?"

She scowls unwittingly. He smells of the brackish pool in his backyard that he dips in fully clothed.

"I'll tell you something new," she says, "it's something I thought up last night:  for months I'd thought the dark blue black," (maybe about the book or the days) ever slightly laughing, punctuating it so that they knew a stretch had been completed, lazily but perfunctorily, rigid and forming, "and when summer arrives in the desert it cleaves to me. On purple days (as though days had a color to them) the heat feels like near flames."

"What's that mean," he says, "tell me."

Light flickers across the porch; it plays on the willow tree.

"It doesn't mean anything," Eva says, "I've got to get ready. My friend's picking me up soon."

"Anyone good for pictures," he asks.

"No," she says.

"No?" he says.

"You only like white people," she says.

"Oh, yes," he says, losing interest. "You have a good day now. I mean it."

He walks down the gravel road that leads to his house. Smiling, he surveys the trailer park without really seeing it. And, as if to draw attention to his unperceptiveness, the wind blows dust in his eyes; they water but he remains unfazed.

Thursday, November 1, 2018


From Fragments by Jennifer S. Chesler. Available here at Amazon. More work here at her blog.